Life Is Hot in Cracktown

But, the upside: crack

The Final Destination

I was hoping that this final "Destination" would include an awesome twist - something along the lines of "This whole time, the part of death has been played by TV's original bad-boy, Richard Grieco." No such luck.

Whiteout

What's more boring: liquid paper or Kate Beckinsale? Get ready for a Whiteout!

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

Or, "How I Welcome People Into My Apartment."

The Haunting in Connecticut

My reaction to this film was pretty much the same as my take on living in Connecticut for two and a half years... Eh.

Young @ Heart

It made me cry even more than "Space Chimps"

Doubt

Molest-acular!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Beautiful but slow, kinda like Denise Richards.

Bio Zombie

His roommate: Poli-Sci Werewolf

I Am Legend

If I were Will Smith's agent, I would advise him to follow the success of "I, Robot" and "I Am Legend" with the poetry slam throw-down epic "Iambic Pentameter" and the Latin themed "¡Aye Carumba!"

H.H. Holmes: America's First Serial Killer

He wanted to be America's first pastry chef, but that milestone had already been reached. Here's to plan B!

To Live and Die in L.A.

Let's see... 236, 237 and 238... It's official! Friedkin used every single '80's cop-movie cliché in this poo magnet.

Robot Stories

It was the best of times, it was the worst of... DESTROY! DESTROY! ...Ahem, as I was saying, call me Ishmael, you lowly mortal flesh puppet... STORY MALFUNCTION - ABORT! ABORT!

**This entry was brought to you by the WGA writers' strike.

Midsomer Murders: Strangler's Wood

Choking the life out of somebody is rude enough, but to do so while sporting a massive boner is just unseemly.

People Will Talk

Y'mean millions of organisms that possess the power of speech will eventually utilize that skill? Gee, that's quite a prediction there, Nostra-Dumbass.

Star 80

Well made, but Eric Roberts is going to get a tummyache if he keeps chewing all that scenery

This Is England

Well, that explains all of the crooked dentistry and lingering Revolutionary War angst

Rashomon

I liked this movie... as far as I can recall.

Sleeping with the Enemy

Been there, done that

Cybermutt

His bark is worse than his BYTE

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry

Man, how much cocaine were they doing in the '70's, anyway? Answer: this much.

Hide and Seek

Dakota Fanning's creepiest performance since "Uptown Girls"

The Life Aquatic

Hmm, looks like someone thinks their shit doesn't stink. Well, I'm here to tell you, it does.

My Girl

I especially liked the scene in which the prison rape was interrupted by a shiv-a-thon... Oh, wait, that was "My Bitch." Sorry.

Deliverance

Soooo romantic