Sansho the Bailiff

...But I didn't shoot the Dep-u-ty!

Christmas Evil

Jewish version: "Hanukk-Chaos"

Die Screaming, Marianne

So, I take it Marianne won't be having an open-casket funeral

Dancing for Dollars

Don't kid yourself, honey; it's called "Stripping"

What Women Want

If THIS is what women want, then they're fucking stupid

Black Christmas (Unrated)

Unrated? More like Un-good.

Vampire Dentist

This may hurt... A LOT!

The Notebook

This movie is sappier than a maple forest and tear-jerkier than a crying porn star

The Killing Fields

Starring Kim "The Facts of Life" Fields as a homicidal roller-skating death machine

Real Women Have Curves

And real BIG women have crop circles

I Confess

...I ate all the Frusen Glädjé ['80's TV commercial reference]

Bolshoi Ballet: Return of the Firebird

I don't think it's fair to make a dancer perform alongside a sports car

How to Eat Your Watermelon in White Company (And Enjoy It)

A bold new addition to the stereotyping subgenre of films that includes "Drinking for Irishmen" and "Unicorns: Not Gay Enough?"

Windtalkers

Not to be confused with "Shit Talkers," starring Don Rickles and Mo'Nique