The Brown Bunny

I predict that when gay marriage is legalized, Vincent Gallo will immediately propose to himself

The Net 2.0

This movie puts the "shit" in "They made a sequel to 'The Net?' You must be shitting me."

Fulltime Killer

Oddly enough, the theme song is "Part-Time Lover"

The Spitfire Grill

How this place hasn't been shut down by the board of health, I'll never know

The Mexican

More like "The Mexi-Can't"

Where the Day Takes You

Answer: the nearest gay bar

Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe's War

Is it just me, or did they spell "Job" wrong? Minor detail.

Howard Zinn: You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train

But, what if it's a train headed for Switzerland? Don't have an answer for that one, do you Professor McGenius?

Strip Nude for Your Killer

First my doctor, then my plumber, now my killer? Is there anyone who DOESN'T want me to strip nude for them?

Evening

The cast of this movie has more wrinkled cooters than a "Dukes of Hazzard" reunion

Hell Up in Harlem

That's Ebonics for "Held-Up in Harlem"

The 39 Steps

This is the self-help program for REAL alcoholics (12 steps are for pussies)

I Trust You to Kill Me

A passage from the von Bülows' wedding vows

Hannibal Rising

Filmmaking standards falling

Celebrity

More like "Celeb-Shitty"

Babies for Sale

This week only: Bastards, two-for-one!

The Magdalene Sisters

And you thought Mary was a slut

North Country

How daring it must have been for Charlize Theron to play a character slightly less beautiful than herself

Patton Oswalt: No Reason to Complain

...But plenty of reasons to diet

Where the Boys Are

SPOILER ALERT: They're in my apartment