Trembling Before G-d

I'd like to buy a vowel

Discovering France

Just follow the white surrender flags

The Bible According to Hollywood

Thou shalt not be ugly

Sesame Street: What's the Name of That Song?

If you guessed "Gangsta Bitch" from the album "Apache Ain't Shit," then you're right!

Live Free or Die Hard

Sure, it's better than "Die Hard 2," but the same could be said of my grandma’s hysterectomy

Wheel of Time

It's called a clock, Einstein

The Squid and the Whale

Parents are assholes

The Big Red One

I can't believe they made a movie about your mom's clit

Private School

The moral of this complex tale: Guys are horny

Air Bud: Golden Receiver

I'm still waiting for the zany, hockey-centric installment of this sporty dog series, "Air Bud: Who the PUCK took a shit on my carpet?"

Two Can Play That Game

Unless the game in question happens to be solitaire

Leaves from Satan's Book

You may know it better as Ethan Hawke's latest novel

The Flesh and Blood Show

a.k.a. "The View"

Born Into Brothels

Look on the bright side: it beats growing up in Canada

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Sounds like my dating life, except for the "Kiss Kiss" part (mouths have germs)

Dalai Lama: The Soul of Tibet

Now on tour with Buddha: The Funk Maestro of Tallahassee

Pirates of Silicon Valley

If I were a lesser man, I'd make a joke about "Harrrrd Drives." Aren't you glad I restrained myself?

Horror of Dracula

As opposed to the stand-up comedy of Dracula, which goes a little something like this: "Don't you hate it when you're drinking someone's blood and you find out they have hepatitis? Anyone here from Transylvania? Take my fangs... please!"

A Season on the Brink

This movie chronicles the topsy-turvy final 26 episodes of "Moesha"

Gardens of Stone

What a lazy fucking gardener