Abbott & Costello: Africa Screams

In the grand comedic tradition of "The Absent-Minded Abortionist" and "Look Who's Raping Now!" Genocide has never been so zany.

Memento

.Movie this liked really I

The Parent Trap

Though Disney puts a positive spin on the incident, the actual Parent Trap of 1943 left thousands maimed and divorce-less... We must never forget.

The Big Clock

I've gotta see this movie! Oh, that says "Clock?" Never mind.

Stephen King's Cat's Eye

Wait, does the eye belong to a cat or to Stephen King? Is it on some sort of time-share deal? Does the eye have a name? May I suggest Blinky?

Ultimate Fighting Championship: Randy Couture vs. Chuck Liddell

No matter who wins, one thing's for sure: I will get my rocks off while watching.

From Here to Eternity

Last one to eternity is a rotten egg!

Captivity

Arbitrary and pretentious - this makes the "Saw" movies look like "The Grapes of" fucking "Wrath"

Marriage is a Crazy Thing

Y'know what else is a crazy thing? When you fling jars of urine at people and yell "Shazam!"

Freddy vs. Jason

Almost as bloody as Roe vs. Wade, but without all that gooey afterbirth

I Like Killing Flies

...And I like boring stories - we make quite a pair.

Hamlet

The worst thing to happen to theater since John Wilkes Booth

Allyson is Watching

I don't care what the hell Allyson is doing, I just wish she would learn how to spell her name corect-like

Hitch

If they make a sequel, it should be called "Son-of-a-Hitch."
PLEASE NOTE: I am, under no circumstances, suggesting that they make a sequel to "Hitch."

The Terminal

The Village Voice raves, "It's almost as exciting as a REAL airport waiting-room," while the New York Times compares it to a "Disease from which you will never recover."

Today You Die

Hmm, today's no good for me. See, I was planning on living all day.

Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Challenge

Shockingly, the "challenge" to which the title refers is a contest to see who can sexually satisfy more men in one day