Soylent Green

Let's just say that soylent green ain't exactly a vegan dish

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

They stole my idea! I wrote a screenplay entitled "Junkies 2: Back in the Habit." Coincidence?

Things We Lost in the Fire

I think I'll miss my fire insurance policy the most

Bastard out of Carolina

Is there any other kind of Carolinian?

Bloodsucking Freaks

The producers figured that this was a catchier title than "TMZ: The Movie"

Dance with a Stranger

In my opinion, the Funky Chicken should always be done anonymously

Bjork: Hidden Place

Not to ruin the ending, but the title refers to Bjork's cooter, which she nicknamed "Little Reykjavic." True story.

Match Point

Wildly uneven, repetitive and heavy-handed. In short, Woody Allen's best film in years!

The Loss of Sexual Innocence

But, what's it about?

Daredevil

Ben Affleck plays a blind man in a bright red jumpsuit... I DARE you to watch the whole thing.

Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot

Not to be confused with "Pride and Prejudice"

Hatchet for the Honeymoon

See, this is what happens when you don't register.

Collision Course

East meets WORST

The Brothers Solomon

For a one-note comedy, this bitch is severely off-key

3:10 to Yuma

With Christian Bale and Russell Crowe aboard, it's more like the "3:10 to Yummy!"

For those of you keeping score at home, this is officially the gayest entry on my blog thus far.

Kill Me Again

You call that killing? I've met 4th graders who kill better than that (then again, I did go to public school in Maine).

A Rumor of Angels

From what I hear, she clips her wings... and that halo is NOT real, girlfriend!

Frontline: Is Wal-Mart Good for America?

This is a pretty weak doc; it's just a guy shaking his head "no" for two solid hours.

Ichi the Killer

Other highlights of Ichi's résumé include multitasking, being a real "people person" and 2 years with the Ice Capades

The Hitcher

Of all the airheaded bimbos in the history of slasher flicks, I'd say that C. Thomas Howell is the dumbest (and quite a slut, to boot)

Liberty Stands Still

This is definitely on my list of films to see, right below "Paint Drying" and "This Sore Is Getting Bigger"

Runaway Jury

Hey, that jury stole my wallet... and my heart!

The Horse Whisperer

Psst! This movie sucks.

10,000 Black Men Named George

Let's see, there's George Washington Carver, George Jefferson... OK, I'm tapped - who are the other 9,998?

Bitter Moon

Sample line of dialogue: "Kiss my hairy, cratered ass!"