Rush Hour

Finally, cinematic proof that Asians and black people are different. You've done it again, Hollywood.

Interview with the Vampire

Are these references current? But, they're hundreds of years old. Why are you kissing my neck? Aaaaagh!!!
...And, scene!

Miss Marple Mysteries: A Pocketful of Rye

From the people who brought you "Snoop Dogg's Throwdown: A Satchel Full of Weed" and "Lint Master 3"

I Know Who Killed Me

...And pop culture just hit an all-time low. Save the date!

Hotel Rwanda

Can I get a late check-out?

The Happy Hooker

As seen in group therapy alongside the Manic-Depressive Panty Sniffer and Sparky, the O.C.D. Clown

The Lizzie McGuire Movie

...But, I already reviewed "The Happy Hooker"

Brief Encounter

A heartwarming tale about my last visit to The Faultline (although, truth be told, I actually prefer boxers)

Gorillas in the Mist

What's next, sloths in the hot tub? This spa sucks.

The 12 Dogs of Christmas

I'm sorry to see that your mom didn't make the cut

The Mother

Sounds like your mom! Wait, that doesn't work...

Dark Victory

Y'know, like when you take a really difficult poo, but then it finally comes out? That's a total dark victory.

The Extraordinary Seaman

The navy has done a real bang-up job of dispelling that whole "Sailors are gay" myth

Bend It Like Beckham

Riding the heels of other UK favorites such as "Shave It Like Sheldon" and "Oh, Crackers!"

A Price Above Rubies

Zellweger as a Jew? 'Nuff said.

The Killer Must Kill Again

And the screenwriter must find a synonym for "Kill"

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

As opposed to what? Abe Vigoda's Frankenstein? Possible tagline: "It's Alive... Sort of."

End of Days

a.k.a. "End of Film Career"

Way of the Gun

Just follow North BLAMerson until you cross the Friendly Fire Turnpike, then hang a left on He-Was-Asking-For-It Boulevard

I Spit on Your Grave

Oh, yeah? Well, the joke's on you because before I died, I spit on the cemetery gate, which means that in order to spit on my grave, you had to put your hand in my spit. Take that, Spitty!

It's Pat: The Movie

WORKING TITLE: "It's Pat: The Soul-Crushing Waste of Time"

After School Specials: Class of '81-'82

So, let me get this straight - cancer and alcoholism are bad? I'm really starting to rethink some of my life decisions... like becoming a cancer merchant, for instance.

Abbott & Costello: Africa Screams

In the grand comedic tradition of "The Absent-Minded Abortionist" and "Look Who's Raping Now!" Genocide has never been so zany.

Memento

.Movie this liked really I

The Parent Trap

Though Disney puts a positive spin on the incident, the actual Parent Trap of 1943 left thousands maimed and divorce-less... We must never forget.