In a Lonely Place

What'cha doin' in Bakersfield?

Sex and the Teenage Mind

Redundantly redundant

Poirot: Murder in Mesopotamia

Um, how would anyone notice?

The Devil's Arithmetic

2 + 2 = 666! The tangent of your soul is inversely proportional to the depths of your sin! If I'm on a train to Chicago, travelling 60 miles per hour, and you're on a train to Pittsburg going 80, how fast will we collide in HELL?!?!?

Sex and Lucia

You lost me at "Lucia"

High Crimes

Highly unwatchable

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

You hear that, kids? Bob Dole's wang is off-limits.

The Ladykillers

Starring Robert Blake, Scott Peterson and O.J. Simpson; Original Score by Phil Spector

9 Dead Gay Guys

Last time I checked, Celine Dion only had EIGHT backup dancers

Taking Lives

More like "Taking My Ten Dollar Admission Fee"

Dottie Gets Spanked

...Lucky bitch

The Fast Runner

The Generic Times raves, "It's the Good Movie starring the Pretty Lady!"

Unknown White Male

It's pronounced "Kevin"

The Longest Day

Woke up, went to the DMV, watched "Titanic" - will this day ever end?

In the Mood for Love

...Or, as we say in America, "Horny"

Cemetery Man

Able to bring down any party in a single bound!

Diary of a Lost Girl

Includes such memorable passages as "Where the hell am I?" and "I'd trade in this goddamned diary for a motherfucking map!"

Be Here to Love Me

Needy, party of one!

The Widow of St. Pierre

Turn-ons: Smoking; aged cheese; mourning a dead, French dude... Turn-offs: Moving on with your life; fatties

Enough

I think the title says it all. Now, if only J-Lo's agent would tell her the same.

C-Walk: It's a Way of Livin'

Other popular modes of livin': "Large" and "Off the Hizzy"

Echoes from the White House

Duh! [duh... duh... duh... duh]

The Core

I think that's a typo - it's supposed to say "B-O-R-E"

Evil Remains

Or, "What I Left in the Toilet This Morning"

It's All Gone Pete Tong

Little known fact: this is the long-lost third verse of "The Thong Song"